Finding the right therapist
Whenever I ask people if they have been in therapy before and they answer yes. My follow up question is what did you think about it and did you find it helpful? A lot of times I either hear that they didn't like their therapist’s style or that they stopped going after a few sessions. The therapist never reached back out to see why they had stopped going and what changes could be made in the therapeutic relationship to help the person reach their goals and stay engaged.
This is unfortunate, if their therapist had taken the time to work collaboratively and meet the person where they are at, they may have had better outcomes. This approach is considered feedback informed treatment. Research shows that when you have a good working relationship with your therapist and find them to be a good fit the client is more likely to make progress and reach their goals.
Getting feedback on how the clients sessions are going is important to the relationship and allows the client to feel safe and speak freely when the session isn't addressing their goals, they don't like the approach, or maybe they didn't feel listened to. Checking in with the client on a regular basis is important in building a safe space.
I am sure you have heard of them before. CBT, EMDR, Gottman certified, EFT trained, and so on. These are theories the therapist is working from and determines what type of interventions they use. While yes all are important, but should not be the the determining factor in choosing your therapist. The first consideration could be do they help people with struggles like mine; relationship problems, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, self harm etc. if your therapist provides good, quality care, using best practices, treats your struggles, and you have a good relationship with them you will make progress.
building Rapport
This is when you are building a relationship with your therapist and it can take time. You have to be able to know, like, and trust your therapist. You can't just jump right in to interventions if your therapist doesn't know you and hasn't figured out what approach is going to be a good fit for you.
working phase
Once the relationship is built you move into the intervention phase or “working phase” of therapy. Where you try different approaches and techniques in sessions and then you practice those outside of the therapy room. Then when you return to session we look at whether it did or didn't work in the “real” world. If it did work we do more of that, if it didn't work we tweak it or explore why it didn't work, or try a different intervention. Back to why the feedback informed treatment is important! Giving your therapist feedback is essential and supports the collaborative approach.
This is because this allows you and the therapist to move in a different direction if needed, maybe you feel something is missing in the sessions, maybe you don't feel like you are moving towards your goals, or you don't like the approach. Again, having a good relationship with your therapist is key. Feeling safe with your therapist to give them this feedback will not only allow you to grow but also the therapeutic relationship. Once we find out what works, you are reaching your goals, and finding relief, and making progress.
Termination
Once you have reached your goals it's time to discuss termination. This can be done a few different ways. By decreasing the frequency of sessions from weekly, to every other month, to 1 time a month. This allows you to practice your learned skills and ease out of therapy. Also during this time, you are creating plans with your therapist on how to sustain the growth you have made, and what to look for if you need to re-enter therapy, begin to struggle again, or maybe come in for a “few” booster sessions to have some support and remind you of your skills and what worked before.
how i view the role of the therapist
The role of the therapist is dependent on the therapists theoretical background and training. I see my role as supportive and a guide. I am not here to tell you what to do or give you advice. That's what parents and everyone else in our lives already do. I am here to help you consider all of your options, see situations from a new perspective, and a new way of viewing problems to find solutions.
All in all
When you are thinking about starting therapy it's important to get along with your therapist and that you feel they are a good fit for you. If over time you aren't feeling connected with your therapist have a conversation with them about it and see if that helps and if not look for another therapist. Similar with any service provider if you don't like your dentist you are probably not going to go back and find one better suited to meet your needs.