Best Tip Ever: Self-regulation

Where it all started…

I took a play therapy training in 2014 by Lisa Dion, from Boulder Colorado. She started the Synergetic Play Therapy™ Institute. She went over what regulation is and how our bodies naturally respond to challenges or situations. 

When we feel like we don’t have control over our emotions, regulating our bodies is a nice place to start in gaining control of how we feel. Our bodies are a good indicator for how we are feeling even before we may be able to name the emotion. For instance, I tend to hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and jaw and sometimes it takes me realizing I have tension in my body before the lightbulb goes on and tells me “you are stressed”. 

Let’s start with how our bodies respond to situations or challenges and then we will discuss what to do to regulate our bodies.

Nervous System Regulation and Dysregulation

“All symptoms of dysregulation arise out of the misperceptions of the events in our lives. When we change our perceptions, we change the symptoms in our nervous system. It is wise to master of how to change our perceptions and how to manage the symptoms that arise in our bodies to help return us to a more regulated state”

~Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S

Your nervous system works in 3 ways

  • Regulated nervous system (Mindfulness/Attached to self)

Ability to think logically and clearly

Display a wide range of emotional expression

Feeling “grounded”

Able to notice breath

Stable sleep cycles

Awareness of mind and body

Able to communicate clearly

Able to make eye contact

Able to make conscious choices

  • Hypo-Arousal Symptoms (Freeze/fall asleep)

Helplessness

Inability to set boundaries

Tired

Non-expressive

Numbing

Lack of motivation

Lethargic

Emotional Constriction

Isolation/Depression

Suicidal/Dissociation

Dulled capacity to feel significant events

  • Hyper-Arousal Symptoms (Fight/Flight)

Increased heart rate

“Pounding” sensation in the head

Overwhelmed/disorganized

Habitual defensiveness

Aggression

Hyper-alert

Hyper-vigilance

Excessive motor activity

Uncontrolled rage

High irritability

Overwhelms others

Anxious

All 3 states of the nervous system represent health. The idea is if you notice yourself go into hypo or hyper arousal then you do activities to re-regulate your body to get back to your baseline. 

We all participate in regulating activities without even consciously knowing it. I like to call these our natural coping skills. 

Below is a list of regulating activities (this is not a comprehensive list)

  • Bounce on a yoga ball

  • Drink through a straw

  • Eat crunchy snacks

  • Massages

  • Deep pressure on arms and legs (slowly apply pressure down arms and legs)

  • Take a bath or a shower

  • Wrap up in a blanket

  • Sing

  • Classical music if hyper aroused

  • Rock or fast paced music if hypo aroused

  • Carry or push heavy objects around

  • Isometrics (push hands together or wall pushups)

  • Walk quickly

  • Doodle

  • Fidget with ball or play dough

  • Put a cold or hot towel on face

  • Dim lights if hyper aroused or increase light if hypo aroused

  • Read a book

  • Yoga

  • Move, move, move your body

  • Name what is happening in your body (my stomach hurts, my jaw feels tight)

  • Breathe-deep breath in count to 4, hold for 4, breathe out count to 4

Maybe as you read through the list you noticed ones you already do. My daughter a few months ago told me, “mom, I don’t know what it is about drinking through a straw. Maybe it’s how my lips move in and out, but it is so soothing and relaxing”. My instant thought to myself was, “That’s a way your body is regulating itself”.

Another example is I notice that if I eat some pretzels or carrots when I am feeling anxious or pressured during the day I can instantly feel my jaw loosening and I can feel my whole body slow down. 

Observe which ones you typically do and try a couple new ones and see what fits for you. Paying attention to how you feel before and after the activity. The idea is to practice these when you are not only dys-regulated, but when you feel regulated as well. To help decrease the length and intensity of being dys-regulated.

With care,

Alison

Alison is the owner of Hartman Therapy in Colorado. She offers online counseling helping tired, overwhelmed moms, sad teens, and frustrated parents. Alison has been working with adolescents, families, and adults for the past 8 years helping to build healthy, resilient families. She specializes in perinatal mental health and teen girl depression and anxiety.