Sometimes it may feel like you aren’t being listened to and no one is really hearing what you are saying. This can lead to feeling hopeless, resentful, and like you are not getting your needs met. When this happens we can feel stuck and more uncertain about the situation. The way we communicate with others can impact how we feel and the health of the relationship.
As a mom, we wear many different hats and if we are not communicating in a clear, respectful, effective way this will impact our relationships and our mental health.
Here is a list of the different ways people communicate with one another.
4 types of communication styles
The first 3 may not be serving you well
Passive Communication
Characteristics and traits of passive communication:
You do not express your needs or feelings
Often do not respond to hurtful situations and all themselves to be taken advantage of or treated unfairly.
Poor eye contact
Allows others to infringe on their rights
Softly spoken
“Shutting down”
Impact of passive communication:
often feel anxious because life seems out of control
often feel depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless
often feel resentful (but are unaware of it) because their needs are not being met
often feel confused because they ignore their own feelings
are unable to make progress because real issues are never addressed
Aggressive Communication
Characteristics and traits of aggressive communication:
Infringe/violate rights of others when expressing own feelings/needs
May be verbally abusive
Criticize, humiliate, and domination
Fails to listen to others, interrupts a lot
Easily frustrated
Speaking in loud overbearing way
Impact of aggressive communication
Blame others for how they feel
May isolate themselves from others
Create fear and uneasiness
Passive Aggressive Communication
Characteristics of passive aggressive communication:
Seem passive on the surface, but are acting out their anger in subtle, non-overt ways
May mutter to themselves without speaking directly to the other person
Use facial expressions that don’t match how they feel
Se sarcasm
Deny there is a problem
Use subtle sabotage to get even
Impact of passive aggressive communication:
Often left feeling resentful, stuck, and hopeless
What we strive for:
Assertive Communication
Expresses feelings and needs in a way that respects the rights of others
Respect for everyone involved
Listens without interrupting
Clearly states needs and wants
Stands up for personal rights good eye contact
Impact of assertive communication:
In control of how they feel and their actions
Feel like they are making progress in their lives
Feel more connected to others
Create a respectful environment that feels safe to share and express themselves without repercussion
1 strategy assertive communication can be achieved is by using “I” statements
“I” statement format: “I feel (blank) when you (blank) because (blank).”
Regular: “You never call. You don't even care”
“I” statement: “I feel hurt when you forget to call because it seems like you don’t care”
Using “I” statements allow you to communicate how you feel without minimizing or blaming. If we speak in a way that feels “too blaming” (using “you”), the other person may become defensive.
Assertive communication allows for healthy relationships, promotes good mental health, and self care
Advocating for yourself and your needs in a respectful way is important, especially when you may feel exhausted most days and everything feels out of your control.
Reflection
Take some time to think about the communication styles above and which one you fall into most often.
If it is not assertive communication, consider what gets in the way of using this communication style.
Is your communication style different depending on the relationship, why?
With care,
Alison