It never really occurred to me before how impactful the word “should” is until I was in a play therapy training a few years back. The instructor had us do an activity where we sat for about 1 minute and all we did was “should” ourselves. By thinking about all the things we “should” be doing. Then she had us notice how we felt afterwards and what it felt like in our body as well. I remember feeling tired, overwhelmed, and honestly bad about myself for everything I felt I “should” be doing and I wasn’t.
Afterwards, to help us feel better we did a regulation activity that included deep pressure on our arms and legs (squeezing our arms and legs up and down)-try it, it always helps me regulate and calms my body down. Also, taking a few long deep breaths, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth.
So often we can tell ourselves “oh I should be doing this or that”, laundry, dishes, hang out with a friend, pick up the house, etc. and the list goes on. For whatever reason though, the word “should” can really bring us down. I think it has a way of invalidating all the other things we might be doing and has us focus on the negative and we can inevitably “beat ourselves up” leading us to thinking we are not doing enough or not doing a good enough job.
Try “flipping the script”. Instead of “I should be doing…”
Say “I could…”
“I can…”
“I will…”
“I want…”
The sentence starters above have a more positive reframe and outlook on things we want to accomplish instead of putting ourselves down.
Pay attention to how you feel in your body and what your thoughts are when you “should” yourself vs. using the “flip the script” sentence starters above.
With care,
alison
*this blog is not a substitute for therapy. If you are in need of therapeutic services and feel like it would be a benefit to you. Reach out today. I provide counseling through telehealth for women and teens in Colorado helping them find joy, relief, and balance in their lives.